The Rebirth: A Shamanic Experience

   It's hard to find the right words for some things and this experience has definitely been one of them. It has been the most impactful 23 days of my life and I feel like I have had several rebirths. I have new eyes and a fresh heart that is connected to Mother Earth which is the greatest gift of all.

   The experience hasn't been easy. I have emptied my tears, felt anguish and pain but in the end it all came together to allow me to grow into this much better version of me. I have confronted my weaknesses and accepted the past as a lesson. The only way to put your history to rest is releasing the emotional attachment you have to it but we should never forget. All things that have been have led me here and for that I am forever grateful.

   The shamanic course took place only an hour away from La Paz but far away from the hustle of the city life. Allkamari Resort is situated on a hill top overlooking a tranquil valley full of energy and the powerful Illimani mountain signifying the great wisdom of the East. Here everything is meaningful and is important and therefore needs to be treated with respect. All things in our world are connected by energy. We are one with the earth and all the things around us. To truly love yourself you also need to love Mother Earth. If we forget the importance of a rock we also turn a blind eye on its creator who placed us here. Instead I choose to love Pachamama whole heartily.

   I have lived through 11 ceremonies: 7 Ayahuascas, 2 San Pedros, and 2 Temazkals (sweat lodge). Every second day a meal was skipped and in most cases a full nights sleep. The first 11 days were so challenging with a strict diet of only rice, mate (large corn), black fermented potatoes, and fish for lunch after the Ayahuasca ceremonies. There were 6 in the sequence and each one had a powerful lesson. I have to admit the diet broke me and I ended up cheating a bit in the last few days. We all have a breaking point and my body reached its limit. I had a cut finger forbidding me to write, a huge blister on my heal begging me to stop moving, a sun burn insisting I stay out of the light, and an upset stomach denying everything it is given. The physical transformation was evident and signified the changes that were happening within me. Our physical corpse is a reflection of our emotional, mental and spiritual states and when huge changes take place it shakes all parts of our being. At this point I gave in and I realized that with pain comes great compassion and humility. It was a chance for my spirit to grow and I accepted the lesson with an open heart.

   Ayahuasca ceremonies were intense and always conducted in the darkness inside the kipa. The great mother spirit is an ancient medicine that cleanses your insides both emotionally and physically. I have never puked so much as I have during this experience but all those things needed to come out and now I am free of them. I have faced my demons and then I released them so they no longer posses me.

   To substitute the light there was songs and instruments to guide you. I have never sung so much and all my songs came straight from my heart. I got the opportunity to compose and to improvise with my voice and it poured out of me in Russian, English and even Spanish at times. My melodies were dedicated to all the mothers, the moon, and my new illas (spirit rocks) that will accompany me through my life giving me courage, wisdom, protection, and love.

   My illas are my companions and not my possessions. It is an important lesson in itself as consumerism is making our world a dark shallow place. Possessions feed a hollow void as greed fuels the ego. In this process I have understood that our fake sense of ownership destroys Mother Earth and life fades away. I have now been connected to the bigger purpose and will not turn a blind eye to all I have learned.

   Another unforgettable experience was my first San Pedro ceremony on Isla del Sol, which is right in the middle of Lake Titicaca. In the north part of the island it is believed the first ray of sun touched the Earth. It is a sacred place full of healing energy. As we made a pilgrimage from the south of the island to north I felt a huge connection with everything around me. I wanted to kiss every rock and listen to its story that dated back much further than my body. When we reached the sun table, the location of the first light, I could feel the powerful energy entering me. We preformed a sacred ritual binding all 12 of us together through a string tied to our necks and wrists. The tribe was formed and together we are stronger. We are linked and distance cannot separate us. Together we can fight injustice and spread love through ourselves.

   I have also been initiated into Reiki. Everything happens at the exact right time and my introduction to this sacred practice came right before the final ceremony. The great grandfather spirit of San Pedro helped me open my chakras and feel energy like I never have before. I was able to see energy through colours and shapes in my third eye. Energy can not be created or destroyed it can simply be transformed. I used my body as a channel to flood the room with gratitude and love. Through song, movement, and cleansing the light conquered darkness. The sun came up and it was time to crawl back into the womb of the Earth, the Temazkal (sweat lodge). With the heat rose our prayers and gratitude. I pushed my self past my limits and all I could do in the end is let Pachamama absorb my tears of love flooding from my heart.

   I am the change I want to see in the world. Let this be evident in all my relationships that I treat with love and respect. My open heart is receptive to energy and my mind is aware. I vow to live in an equilibrium with all things around me. I am reborn.

Sunsets at Allkamari:

The Temazkal

My place was under this painting in the Kipa  and describes what I saw well

Isla del Sol sunset

Mini me :)
each of us planted a tree so that it flourishes and grows with us

Aho!

2 - 23 FEB 2014